Run!
by GabrielleduVent
Summary: When Genesis accidentally drinks a mysterious drink, Sephiroth, Angeal, Zack and Reno literally run for their dignity. Please read the author's note carefully. Time and character coherence seriously out of whack. Not to be taken seriously. Idea taken from a short story for Attack of the Titans. Content may be offensive to some readers. You have been warned!


Author's Note:

I, by no means, mean any offence to those who prefer their own sex, or those who were rape victims. The former is a personal matter that neither requires nor deserves anyone else's say, and the latter should be treated with utmost care for their injuries, both mind and body. I by no means endorse sexual violence or discrimination.

Idea gotten off of an SS from Attack of the Titans. I got bored writing Reno and my OC. (Yes. Already.)

* * *

**Run!**

General Sephiroth, SOLDIER Class 1st extraordinaire and generally regarded as Mr Perfect from his head to his toe, was currently running. Running as fast as he could. Which was fast indeed.

Next to him was his buddy, his comrade, his next door neighbour, and his current victim-in-tow, Angeal Hewley, who was starting to fall a little behind but was fast nonetheless.

"What… is… going… on!" said the man who looked far older than his age to the man who reputedly never even moved an inch of his facial muscles when faced with a literal army of monsters. Sephiroth, unfortunately, was far too busy trying to get out of the situation to give the matter some proper consideration. The two had already discarded their weapons, for fighting wasn't an option. There was only _one_ option, and that was to run.

They ran down the stairs and down the corridor.

"Oh lord, he's still coming!" cried Angeal, who had done the stupid thing of looking behind him. The silver-haired Adonis continued to look forward and run. Never had he run so hard in his life, and that included the time when he was three and had a dog chasing after him down the street for his meat pie. The Shinra employees made way for the two running SOLDIERS and the one that followed the unfortunate pair.

"Your rear! I want your rear! Butt naked!"

"He's still going at it!"

"I want your REAR IN THE AIR!"

The pursuer was none other than Genesis Rhapsodos, their friend, their comrade, their rival, and their fellow SOLDIER 1st class. Sephiroth cursed the day the auburn warrior had picked up the bottle, which had been today…

* * *

A FEW HOURS PREVIOUSLY…

"What's that?" asked Angeal, who had been cooking lunch. Genesis had just come in with a very bright, happy look on his face. That usually meant apples. Genesis had grown up on an apple farm. Growing up on an apple farm generally made people sick and bored of apples, but not Genesis Rhapsodos. Until Angeal had stopped him, the man's diet almost entirely consisted of the fruit. He tended to take things a little too seriously sometimes, like with the adage "an apple a day keeps the doctor away". It didn't keep Hollander or Hojo or any of the other whackjobs away, but Genesis liked apples.

"I think this is a new drink," said the warrior. Sephiroth leaned over across the table.

"'Apple juice today keeps you gay'? That doesn't sound safe."

"Of course it's perfectly healthy! It means apple juice makes you happy!"

Angeal and Sephiroth raised their eyebrows and looked at each other, but Genesis had already gone ahead and opened the bottle. He drained the contents down his throat, and then promptly passed out on the table.

"Genesis?!"

"I said, this doesn't sound safe!"

"That's not the point right now! Call the-" Angeal's worried cry was interrupted by the man in question suddenly waking up and sitting upright. Sephiroth glanced at Mr Crimson with an alarm. Why was his eyes so glazed over? He looked like a hyper potion addict. Or a mako addict, for that matter, but they were exposed to heavy doses of mako radiation, so being addicted now wasn't possible…

"Er, Genesis?" Angeal was saying, almost timidly. "Can you stop touching my arm?"

Sephiroth's alarm grew when Genesis didn't stop as Angeal asked. His alarm-meter went into the red zone when Genesis began playing with his hair as well.

"Um, Genesis? What are you-"

"I think…" said the apple farm boy, "I love your hair, Sephiroth. They smell of… smell of apples."

"No they don't," the general said almost reflexively.

"And Angeal… such manly arms you have… sinews… so sexy…"

"Thanks… er, what?" Angeal blinked. Sephiroth had to admit that he looked pretty ridiculous in a red checkered apron, but this didn't look like the situation to be pointing it out.

"I love you… I love both of you…"

"Er, Genesis? Can you please stop pulling on my chest strap?"

"Nipples… Sephiroth's nipples… at last…"

"That's what it meant!" Angeal cried. "The bottle meant GAY, as in homosexual GAY, not happy! That must have been some potion to make the drinker a raging homosexual!"

And so they took off, Angeal still in an apron, but Genesis was just as much a SOLDIER 1st Class as they were. And so they were running through the corridors now, Genesis hot on their heels, and literally panting after them. They ran straight toward Zack Fair, who was daydreaming of some sweet date with Aeris, maybe a dinner and a kiss afterward… he'd love to go further, but Aeris'd want to take things slow…

"Zack! Help!"

"Wait, what?" Flabberghasted at the prospect of two heroes pleading for help, he stood dumbfounded for a second. That moment was all Genesis required.

"Zack! My love!" the man cried. "Let me make love to you! Please!"

Zack joined the marathon.

"Hang on a sec, why are you running with us?!" Sephiroth hissed. "You were supposed to stop him!"

"No freakin' way! Why do I gotta lose my backdoor virginity when I haven't lost the front?!"

"Zack! Oh Zack!" came the moan.

"Um, Genesis is in love with you?"

"Sephiroth, my silver-haired prince!"

"Looks like he's in love with you too, Sephy."

"Not the point! Seniority!"

"You're full of shit! You're the senior, go deal with him!" cried the man nicknamed puppy.

"Angeal, you go! You're his best friend!"

"Friend doesn't mean offering holes!"

"Angeeaaaal!" came the miserable wail. "Why oh why do you leave me, Angeal?"

Down the stairs and to the lower floor. The three SOLDIERs plus one dashed down another corridor as people hastily moved out of the way, when Zack spotted a bobbing redhead.

"Hey, aren't the Turks supposed to deal with this kinda mess?"

"Good point. Hey, Reno!"

Reno, who had been bobbing his head to some wild music he was listening to, vaguely heard his name being called. And so he stopped, looked up, and saw three SOLDIERs running for their lives toward his direction, and one very love-struck SOLDIER dashing after them, his arms outstretched and crying out the three's names in a pining tone.

"What the fuck?!"

"Genesis went crazy!" Zack explained as he ran. "Go deal with him!"

"No freakin' way!"

"Oh, Reno! Your red hair makes me all hot! I love red!"

"The fuck?!" Reno ripped his headphone off and began running as well, terrified of the pursuing Genesis. "What the hell is going on?!"

"I love you, Reno! I want to kiss you! Stooooop!"

"That's what's going on," said Angeal under his breath.

"Genesis was gay?"

"Turned gay," Sephiroth corrected. Reno, amazingly, was keeping his pace up with the rest of the marathon crew. "Drank something weird. Probably Hojo's weird experiment."

"No time for talking! He's closing in!"

"This is your job, Reno! You're the troubleshooter of the company!"

"Against humans, yeah!" The redhead shouted back. "Against terrorists! Not monsters! That's you guys!"

"He _is_ human!"

"A drooling, eyes-glazed-over-like-donuts male with a wing that's screaming out guys' names and trying to rape them is NOT human!"

BANG. Sephiroth, who was in the lead, kicked the door open and jumped down to the lower stair from the stairwell. Angeal and Zack followed, then Reno, then Genesis. The chase continued.

"Tell ya what, why don't we go separate ways? That way he'll chase after only one of-"

"What? Make one a scapegoat? You're a bastard, Reno!"

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

More people hastily dodged out of the way as three SOLDIERs and one Turk fled for their chastity.

"Oh come on, Reno, aren't you gay with Rude?"

"Your MUM's gay with Rude!"

Sephiroth blinked. "That makes no sense. My mother's a decapitated head."

"Whatever! He's coming!"

Down another flight, then down the corridor, then another flight. When will this end? The thought crossed all of their minds. Will they be running all the way down to the ground floor? But the Shinra Company gossip mill was filled with ladies who would drool over the prospect of Genesis being gay with anyone, which meant if they made it down to the ground floor, they won't be coming back to the building. Ever. The humiliation would be too much to bear.

It was on floor 43 that their salvation came. In form of Cloud Strife. Cloud, the unfortunate regular bophead instead of being a black op squad member or the SOLDIER elites, could not run as fast as the rest. And when Genesis saw the young man, he immediately fell in love with his gravity-defying hair and his ennui blue eyes.

"That's our chance!"

It was a few moments later when Angeal, Sephiroth, Zack and Reno stopped running. All out of breath, they looked at each other with guilty look on their faces, for they heard screams and muffled sobs behind the door…

* * *

LATER, MUCH LATER…

Reno remembered the blond man. Ohhhh yes. He was the poor victim that had saved his hindquarters from being ravaged. Literally.

The blond was also behaving very oddly, as if he was being possessed.

"Er, hey girl?" the redhead called out to the blond's companion, a girl in a pink dress and red jacket who looked about as sinful as a newborn chick. "He kinda looks funny…"

But the girl didn't listen, and ran off with Cloud. Reno began his way back to the HQ, ridden with guilt. He took out his phone and dialled.

"Hey, Rude? Yeah, it's me. Hey, listen, I found Cloud, but he kinda went nuts… I think it's the trauma from the, you know, Genesis incident." He shook his head sadly. "I know, it's partly my fault…"


End file.
